Why We Oppose Pockets for Women

By Alice Duer Miller

1. Because pockets are not a natural right.

2. Because the great majority of women do not want pockets. If they did they would have them.

3. Because whenever women have had pockets they have not used them.

4. Because women are required to carry enough things as it is, without the additional burden of pockets.

5. Because it would make dissension between husband and wife as to whose pockets were to be filled.

6. Because it would destroy man’s chivalry toward woman, if he did not have to carry all her things in his pockets.

7. Because men are men, and women are women. We must not fly in the face of nature.

8. Because pockets have been used by men to carry tobacco, pipes, whiskey flasks, chewing gum and compromising letters. We see no reason to suppose that women would use them more wisely.

(via)

rapindustryfanfiction:

Swizz Beats and Alicia Keys sat at the Megaupload headquarters, waiting. They were sitting on the floor, their backs against the wall of the safe that held the physical copies off all of the files they had pirated using Megaupload over the years. Swizz Beats was wearing an eyepatch. He took pirating very seriously.

That rat bastard will.i.am had sold them out, they knew it. The last time he had called their house, he’d sounded afraid, like he was hiding something. It was an open secret that will.i.am had coveted the Megaupload empire, but Swizzy had kept him close, following an adage he’d learned from his favorite film, The Godfather, Part II: keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. Sadly, the sage wisdom of Vito Corleone had failed him.

There was a knock at the door. “FBI! Let us in!” a voice said.

Swizz Beats and Alicia Keys looked at each other and said nothing, each cradling an M-16. Swizz Beats had the entire third season of Supernatural in that safe. He wasn’t giving it up without a fight.

There was a series of thuds: the FBI was trying to break the door down. It looked like it was going to give at any moment.

“Ha na na na na,” Swizz Beats said to himself, preparing to meet his doom. “It’s showtime.”

Swizz Beats had the entire third season of Supernatural in that safe. He wasn’t giving it up without a fight.

When is Meryl Streep going to be given an award for her award acceptance speeches?

(Source: luciwithaneye)

lindsayrobertson:

“What is musical trajectory that led to Spin Doctors’ ‘Two Princes’?”

- Something I found necessary to wake up and email to myself from bed in the middle of the night last night. I do not know the answer.

I think repeat listenings (I would say at least 12 in a row) make it obvious that the answer is ‘divine inspiration’.

annietron:

kate and janelle - star witness by neko case

(The song is part of a protest to save Peterborough Collegiate and Vocational School from imminent closure - click for more info)

april-is:

Onset
Kim Addonizio

Watching that frenzy of insects above the bush of white flowers,
bush I see everywhere on hill after hill, all I can think of
is how terrifying spring is, in its tireless, mindless replications.
Everywhere emergence: seed case, chrysalis, uterus, endless manufacturing.
And the wrapped stacks of Styrofoam cups in the grocery, lately
I can’t stand them, the shelves of canned beans and soups, freezers
of identical dinners; then the snowflake-diamond-snowflake of the rug
beneath my chair, rows of books turning their backs,
even my two feet, how they mirror each other oppresses me,
the way they fit so perfectly together, how I can nestle one big toe into the other
like little continents that have drifted; my God the unity of everything,
my hands and eyes, yours; doesn’t that frighten you sometimes, remembering
the pleasure of nakedness in fresh sheets, all the lovers there before you,
beside you, crowding you out? And the scouring griefs,
don’t look at them all or they’ll kill you, you can barely encompass your own;
I’m saying I know all about you, whoever you are, it’s spring
and it’s starting again, the longing that begins, and begins, and begins.

"I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp, and as a gasping person loves a glass of brandy to calm their nerves, and as a glass of brandy loves to shatter on the floor, and as the noise of glass shattering loves to make someone else gasp, and as someone else gasping loves a nearby desk to lean against, even if leaning against it presses a lever that loves to open a drawer and reveal a secret compartment. I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and until all the secrets have gone gasping into the world."