Better Off Ted

Better Off Ted airs Tuesdays at 9:30pm Eastern on ABC.  It returns December 8th for its second season.

Official Description: They’re Putting Comedy To Work (this is why no one watches the darn show)

Starring: Jay Harrington as the aforementioned Ted and Portia de Rossi as his morally bankrupt boss.  You’ll like everyone else too, but they’re not really names (yet).

Awesomeness of Season 1: 8/10. The actors really elevate the material (which is in solid, goofy sitcom humor mode most of the time but throws a little subversive material at you just often enough to keep you on your toes) and really take the show beyond the typical office workplace comedy.

Good if: You miss Portia de Rossi on your tv screen since Arrested Development was axed; you’re into absurdist humor, sexual tension, bromances wherein NO ONE EVER UTTERS THAT ACCURSED WORD, cute children who are used sparingly, and cynicism; it’s hiatus (it is) and mother fucking Glee isn’t coming back until the middle of April (it isn’t), and freaking Lost won’t start for another month.

Bad if: You don’t like sitcom format no matter, you don’t enjoy gentle hotness, you were planning on using the winter hiatus as a time to “have a life”.

Bottom line: Better Off Ted’s 1st season didn’t exactly set the world on fire, but it’s a snappy little comedy that works very well at blending the kinds of jokey sitcom jokes that aren’t very in vogue right now with much darker bits.  Since no show in the world is going to be on for a while and Better Off Ted isn’t the kind of show where you need to know much of anything beyond a one line synopsis of the characters to figure out what’s going on, it’s the perfect time to give it a try.

Season 1 is out on DVD and the last five episodes of the season can be streamed on Fancast, Hulu, and ABC.com.

White Collar

White Collar airs Fridays at 10pm Eastern on USA.

Official Description: To solve the hardest crimes, hire the smartest criminal.

Starring: Super hot person, Matthew Bomer as the eponymous white collar criminal; Tim DeKay as the less-hot-but-still-appropriately-handsome, roguish, hard-hitting FBI agent who always gets his man and then goes home to his deliriously good-looking and decade-younger wife; and as the wife, Tiffani Thiessen in a refreshingly evil-eyeliner free role.

Awesomeness of Pilot: 7/10.  It’s not exactly breaking ground here, but White Collar was lots of fun, with solid acting and plotting.

Good if: You need something to fill your Leverage hour now that it’s on hiatus.  You watch 60 Minutes only on weeks when they feature con-men, you’re obsessed with your self-written Catch Me if You Can sequel, Psych hasn’t brought you to your limit for antagonistic buddy detective snark.

Bad if: You have what I’m told is often referred to as a “life” and go out on Friday nights.  Actually, that’s the only downside I could think of, so fire up your Tivo!

Bottom line:  It didn’t exactly blow my mind with originality and sparkling wit, but the jokes were good, the twists (though somewhat predictable) were entertaining, and the leads have great chemistry together.  And I sure didn’t mind looking at Bryce Larkin Matthew Bomer for an hour.

Flash Forward

Flash Forward airs Thursdays at 9pm Eastern on ABC.

Official Description: When the world’s population is given a glimpse of their future due to a mysterious global event, it forces everyone to come to grips with whether their destinies can be fulfilled or avoided.

Starring: It’s a packed ensemble.  The highlights include Joseph Fiennes, John Cho, and Sonya Walger.

Awesomeness of Pilot: 3/10.  The concept was interesting, but didn’t thrill me.  A drawback of having a wide-ranging and complex ensemble drama is that the pilot has to introduce about a million characters and you don’t really get a feel for any of them.

Good if: You’re into conspiracy theories, cop/fed dramas, confusing time lines, apocalyptic nonsense, the feeling that the writers are talking out of their asses.

Bad if: You don’t have a DVR.  As discussed, Thursday night is mighty crowded.  And unless this thing hits it big, it’s the kind of show that will get canned and leave its few fans wishing for answers.

Bottom line: I liked it ok, but I’m definitely going to wait to see if it makes it through the first season before I jump on board.  It reeks of a Six Degrees or Reunion situation.

Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8pm Eastern on The CW.

Official Description: Love sucks.  About a high school girl torn between two vampire brothers. (haha, don’t strain yourself, imdb)

Starring: Vampire Diaries is taking it old school WB with its casting.  It’s Roswell-style all the way: nothing but chiseled, plasticine up-and-comers who all look at least 10 years too old to be in high school.  Nina Dobrev is playink the Shiri role, while Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder play the boring and awesome vampire, respectively.  Steve McQueen’s grandson (Steven R. McQueen) also costars and though he’s grown quite a bit since his Everwood stint, HE’S NO GREGORY PECK’S GRANDSON.*

Awesomeness of Pilot: 6/10.  And 10/10 for what it was.  There was fog!  There was teen drinking!  There was a spurned ex-boyfriend!  Smoldering looks!  Possibly psychic friends!  Girls who all dress the same!  True lurrrrrrv!!!

Good if: You love to watch teen shows ironically (or unironically, I don’t know your life), you’re still mad at JJ Abrams for killing Boone off of Lost, you need something to fill your time now that True Blood is on hiatus and your standards are low.

Bad if: You’re not into bad writing and pure joy.  You don’t have a DVR: the uber-crowded Thursday night lineup means this sucker (ahahaha, I slay me (ahahaha, I did it again)) is up against the highly anticipated Flash Forward, Survivor, Parks and Recreation, and Bones.

Bottom line: I set my expectations low enough that I loved it.  If this were on Tuesday nights, I’d be fully committed to a season pass for this trashtastically awesome hour of television.  As it stands, I don’t know how far into the season I’m going to get before I give up and cut it from my lineup.  A girl can only watch so much tv.

THIS POST BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE AWESOME MUGSHOTS OF THE ENTIRE FEMALE CAST OF THE VAMPIRE DIARIES.  (VIA)

*And if I want to watch the 10 Things I Hate About You remake on ABC Family, that’s none of your business.

Melrose Place

Melrose Place airs Tuesdays at 9pm Eastern on The CW.

Official Description: Lying, cheating, stealing, seduction, backstabbing, betrayal, murder… it’s just another day at Melrose Place.  A new generation of young professionals living at the infamous Melrose complex deal with obtaining their own personal goals, drives, and desires, both amongst themselves and others.

Starring: Lots of ‘pretty’ twenty somethings, including Ashlee Simpson-Wentz.  The only redeeming aspect of the cast seems to be Katie Cassidy’s prodigious bitch face.

Awesomeness of Pilot: 3/10.  I might have appreciated the jokey nostalgia bits more if I’d ever watched the original, but nothing in the world could have made the script or its wooden delivery by the actors any better.

Good if: You like bitch fights, “scandalous” storylines, pretty boys who aren’t actually that pretty, really bad fake American accents from pretty good actresses, Katie Cassidy’s bitch face.

Bad if: There is a single other tv show on Tuesday night you might consider watching; you have eyes and/or ears.

Bottom line:  It still wasn’t as bad as the premiere of 90210, but if it’s even possible - I think the acting was worse.  As I don’t have any shows that I want to watch on Tuesday nights I might give it one or two more episodes on the off chance it will miraculously improve, but I’m not holding my breath.

Glee

The pilot or ‘Special Preview’ airs Tuesday at 9pm Eastern on Fox.

Official Description: From Ryan Murphy, the creator of “Nip/Tuck” and “Popular,” comes GLEE, a one-hour musical comedy that follows an optimistic high school teacher as he tries to transform the Glee Club and inspire a group of ragtag performers to make it to the biggest competition of all: Nationals.

Starring: Everybody and their brother, plus a ton of Broadway faves.  Matthew Morrison is the teacher, the two high school leads are played by Lea Michele and Cory Monteith.  Other notable castmembers include Jessalyn Gilsig, Jayma Mays, and Jane Lynch (who is Hansel-style hot right now).  Victor Garber and Kristin Chenoweth are set to guest star in future eps.

Awesomeness of Pilot: 7/10.  I’ve been waiting for this to leak for a couple months now so my expectations were quite high and this pilot very nearly lived up to them.  Or maybe I’m just a sucker for Journey

Good if: You’re into singing, dancing, happiness, funny jokes, less funny jokes, pretty people, irony, ridiculously over-the-top depictions of high school, whimsy.

Bad if: You can’t handle your awesome with a little side of cheese.  Delicious, delicious cheese.

Bottom line: Not the greatest pilot of all time, but a very solid start to a series that I will no doubt become addicted to and worship for approximately four episodes before Fox cancels it.  Stay classy, Fox.

Leverage

Airs Tuesdays at 10pm Eastern on TNT. But the premiere is TONIGHT GUYS, AND IT ROCKS!

Official Description: A crew of high-tech crooks attempt to steal from wealthy criminals and corrupt businessmen.

Starring: The official discoverer of the fountain of youth -Timothy Hutton- plays the lead.  My redneck boyfriend (Christian Kane), Aldis Hodge, Beth Riesgraf, and Gina Bellman round out the cast.

Awesomeness of Pilot: 9/10.  The best leaked pilot I watched this past summer.  Which was surprising, not just because it’s airing on TNT.  I’ve since seen it four times (shut up!) and it’s just…awesome.  A wee bit cheesey, but only in the best possible way.

Good if: You like Ocean’s Eleven, puns, and pretty people.  My grandma and I both give it two thumbs up.

Bad if: You are no fun.

Bottom line: I’m not completely convinced that this pilot can transition seamlessly, or even well, into a full length series, but I’m excited to find out.

Fringe

Airs Tuesdays at 9pm Eastern on FOX. Starts on September 9th.

Official Description: From J.J. Abrams comes a new drama that will explore the blurring line between science fiction and reality… [Description heavily edited as it spoils the whole pilot]

…A television drama centered around a female FBI agent who is forced to work with an institutionalized scientist in order to rationalize a brewing storm of unexplained phenomena.

Starring: The big three are Anna Torv and her “American” accent, as the female FBI lead; Joshua Jackson as the love of my life and general hot person with scarf-wearing capabilities; and John Noble as the mad scientist.

Awesomeness of Pilot: 8/10.  If you weren’t told otherwise, you might mistake this for the best-produced tv movie of all time.  The production values are great, with only one awkward CGI misstep, and the cast clicks almost immediately.  Lots of giggles were had by me.

Good if: You are a straight female or a gay man (Joshua Jackson!); You liked The X-Files but you don’t feel the need to measure all sci-fi shows against it; you were a fan of Alias, Lost, Felicity, etc.

Bad if: J.J.’s style (i.e. lots of questions –answers, not so many) has burned you over and over and you can’t forgive him even though he cast Keri Russell in MI:3; You aren’t into sci-fi, cheesey/funny quips, or Anna Torv in her underwear (which come on, what kind of a kill-joy are you?); you are -and I shudder to say it- a Dawson person.

Bottom line: If the first three seasons of Alias and quite a bit of Lost are any indication, viewers are in for a wild ride with Fringe. JJ may sometimes let shows peter out instead of going out in a blaze of glory, but he sure knows how to entertain. This 2 hour pilot – which, as I mentioned before, plays like a pretty solid movie by itself – is definitely worth a watch.

The Mentalist

Airs Tuesdays at 9pm Eastern on CBS. Starts on September 23rd.

Official Description: Patrick Jane is a detective and independent consultant with the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI) who has a remarkable track record for solving serious crimes by using his razor sharp skills of observation. Within the Bureau, Jane is notorious for his blatant lack of protocol and his semi-celebrity past as a psychic medium, whose paranormal abilities he now admits he feigned. Jane’s role in cracking a series of tough high-profile cases is greatly valued by his fellow agents. However, no-nonsense Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon openly resists having Jane in her unit and alternates between reluctantly acknowledging Jane’s usefulness and blasting him for his theatrics, narcissism and dangerous lack of boundaries.

Starring: The leading pair [pictured above] are played by Simon Baker (The Devil Wears Prada) and Robin Tunney (every movie ever, but especially Empire Records). Also stars Amanda Righetti of The OC, er, “fame”.

Awesomeness of Pilot: 7/10. A funny and interesting take on your basic crime procedural. Worth watching a couple episodes to see how it fares post-pilot, but not currently a season pass candidate.

Good if: You liked the hot, skeezy dude from The Devil Wears Prada; you think Psych would be good with a whole lot more bloody murder; you’ve recovered from the rageful way Robin Tunney’s Prison Break character made you feel and you want her to have a job again; you’re into CSI, Law and Order, and the like but you want a different twist.

Bad if: You never got over Pacey Whitter (Fringe airs in this slot on Fox); sexy foreign men aren’t your thing; you’re looking for a show that reinvents the genre; cop dramas aren’t your bag.

Bottom line: Not for everyone, but if they can sustain the mystery arc that is set up in the pilot, The Mentalist could become more than just another procedural.